Another personal admission… (I don’t know why blogging encourages such confessions! LOL).
I have to admit that one of my favorite television programs is MTV’s “Parental Control,” that popular adolescent show where parents try to find a new boyfriend/girlfriend for their teenage offspring. My daughter, Grace, and I love to watch this show while sitting at the kitchen counter.
We have fun because we fight over which boy (in her case) should be picked. Sometimes we agree, other times we vehemently disagree. The suspense at the end of the show is to find out who is chosen, and in our case, who is correct.
I have a deep-seeded motive, however, behind watching such a show.
I never thought I would be at this position in life where I would think dating could be hell. And I’m not talking about personal dating. I’m referring to how parents go through hell when their semi-adult children get into the serious game of dating.
It’s pure hell. (I know I keep saying this.) The fears just creep up on us like an out of control ivy. It’s messy, choking, and just plain creepy.
I wish “Parental Control” were actually a real option rather than just a fictional television show scripted for pure entertainment. If I controlled the choice of my children’s partners, the fears of dating would dissipate. At least for me. ☺
There are five significant fears of dating that scare the living daylights out of me:
1. Premature Pregnancy! Children are not ready to be parents of children. I’ve lost sleep over that dreadful announcement that could happen at any time. Daughter: “Dad, I’m pregnant.” Or son: “Dad, she is pregnant.”
2. Disease/AIDS! Dating can even be deadly. You never know what the other person might have. And when passion overwhelms any sense of logic, then preparedness and common sense go out the window as well. I often talk about protection like it’s a windbreaker or a pair of leather hand gloves.
3. Choosing the Wrong Partner! He could be controlling, abusive. She could be a gold-digger or shallow. A lazy person who will never get a job. A sexually loose partner who is not committed. A member of a family that lives on the wrong side of the track. Uneducated. God forbid, a member of some conservative religious cult! (Or for others, a liberal religious cult!)
4. The Right Partner, at least according to you but not them! Then they bring home that perfect partner. Articulate, educated, motivated, good-looking, polite, respectful, a good family, great sense of humor. You fall in love with him/her immediately. You’re inviting them to family events, adding them to your Facebook community, even paying for a few of their dates! But then your child decides the relationship must end. No! You mourn the loss more than your child. =)
5. Wrong Relationship. In other words, the fear of divorce. The investment of time, mixing of family communities, gathering of assets. Could be years or decades later. But the split up of a family is a significant life disturbance that no parent wants a child to experience.
The fears are real. So we politely and casually interview their potential partners. (At least, I think its polite and casual!) We cyber stalk them like they’re some sort of criminal. Searching MySpace, Facebook, AIM, Google, LinkedIn, Yahoo. National sex offenders registries, if we have to! Whatever website that can help us overcome any of the above fears.
Sure, this might be extreme. But if MTV’s “Parental Control” validates parental fears of their children’s dating lives, then everything is up for grabs.
Maybe that old tradition of arranged marriages, where parents choose their offspring’s marital partner is best. Even if we have to pay some sort of dowry! Parental control seems to make so much more sense than this current modern dating game.
Wait a minute.
My personal choice for my first marital partner didn’t really work out for me. After some years, it ended up in a messy divorce.
After every “Parental Control” MTV show, my daughter always reminds me of this: “Dad, if you can’t even pick out the right partner for yourself the first time you got married, what makes you think you can choose my partner?”
I hate it when your children are smarter than you! =)
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